This getting older thing. It’s not for sissies. And sometimes it’s tiring.
Maybe you’re reflecting on your past and ruminating on the bad stuff that’s happened to you. Trauma is tricky. And it’s real. And it has a way of eating away at you even when you think you’ve handled it all just fine. And maybe you’re letting it have more power over you than you ought to and maybe you’re not really using the tools you’ve amassed to help you manage in this moment because maybe you just need or want to be sad right now.
Maybe the ever changing but hardly improving news cycle with stories of “that awful thing that person in Washington said or Tweeted today,” or another mass shooting with lots of outrage and little change, or another story of a person in power doing something awful to many children and how it was brushed aside for years has finally brought you to your knees to the point where you just feel small or helpless and wonder how can we even begin to fix this?
Maybe the aches and pains of aging are fighting against your desire for a healthy body and fitness routine by shouting constant reminders at you that you’re not really as young as you wish you were and maybe you should have started doing this a long time ago.
Or maybe it’s that your kids are moving on and you sometimes miss the parts of parenting that seemed so hard back in those days and you sometimes wish someone was sitting in their booster in your back seat asking nonsensical questions when all you wanted was a moment of silence. “I’d be happy to hear that voice,” you think, “And answer whatever questions he wants to ask and I’d be so patient, too!”
But with all of that, you also know you have a pretty sweet life and it sure seems like there are times when the universe conspires to help (make) you hear messages you probably need to hear in this moment. “Listen. I’m trying to tell you something,” it says.
But you’re not really listening. Or not ready to hear. Or something.
And then, one day you hear the words your fitness instructor is saying differently than you may have heard them on a different day as she speaks of privilege. That the movement our bodies give us is a privilege that not everyone has. We won’t always have it. What are we doing to nurture ourselves and keep our strength and ability to move for as long as possible? And when you hear that, you say, “Oh.“ Because you realize she might be speaking to you and this is probably something you’ve taken for granted.
And then you go to a talk by self-proclaimed “happiness” gurus and you have a night of awesome belly laughs with a good friend.
Or spend a weekend in the mountains, enjoying the cooler air, fall leaves, a lovely hike and a cozy fire.
Or you come up with a great idea at work that you can actually pull off and the excitement from thinking about it has you energized in a way you haven’t felt in awhile.
Or you see a beautiful rainbow, not once, but twice, on the way home.
Or the reminders from friends or spouses that they are there for you. That you’re enough. That you’re not weak.
The highs and lows that come, sometimes all in one day, sometimes over the course of a week or a month, all come for a reason. And we’re sent these messages that we should probably pay better attention to (in the name of “self-care”)…they aren’t just platitudes or affirmations. They should be reminders: I am strong enough. I am worth it. I am good enough. And so are you. Now, I just need to listen.
