Careless Whispers...

I like to talk. I may not always have much meaningful to say, but I do like to talk. In fact, as a kid, I may have been accused of talking too much more than once.  2nd in fact, my first career was in radio, where I got to talk about whatever was happening on the air as I did another thing I love to do: Listen to music. I worked at an oldies station (Oldies 98.3, All Oldies,  ALL Time, Savannah) and was, for a time, the "queen of oldies trivia."  I'd be with my husband, a song would come on the radio and I would wow him with my great knowledge of whatever artist was singing.  I know he loved that.  In more recent years, I became a teacher and of course I talk all the time at my job.

So, imagine the past 2 weeks as I have been rendered virtually speechless by an extended case of laryngitis. I've lost my voice before and then it came back and we moved on.  This time, the first 2 days weren't so bad, "Listen to my voice," I joked the night my voice went south. Little did I know that I wouldn't be able to use more than a whisper by the end of that night and for the next 13 days after.  Or, 13 days and counting.  If you're wondering, I've gone to the doctor and taken a round of steroids and am following up to figure out next steps (or rather, my husband will call for me).  I have been told by three speech pathologist friends that I need to just rest my voice and doing the whisper thing is the worst thing I can do. So I've really been trying.

Being voiceless during a month of holiday cheer is kind of frustrating and somewhat depressing. Going to parties is really not much fun if you can't actually talk to people, at least if you're an extrovert.  I couldn't take any of my "Happy Birthday" phone calls. I wonder if people in stores think I'm rude or weird if I don't answer with more than a smile, a nod, or a whisper.  Yes, I have used a white board and a white board app on my iPad (it is the 21st century, after all).  And I am able to communicate or use the whisper voice I'm not supposed to use, plus there is texting and messaging. But I feel like this past week and a half has also given me a changed perspective about voice and I feel like I've learned a couple of things, too.

Some things I've learned since being placed into vocal house arrest:

1) Less is more. As I said before, I can be a talker, but writing on a white board, or with my finger on an iPad is annoying and requires economy of words because, frankly, it's a pain to write stuff down and then wait for others to read it. And a few times, by the time I've finished writing it down, the conversation has changed and there I've been, torn between still showing it or just letting it go because it wasn't relevant anymore.  But the economy of words thing? You can really say a lot in very few words. After a situation with a couple of students at school last week where my head was overflowing with a full on lecture, I wrote three words that described how I felt about the situation and showed them and looked them each in the eye as they read. I'm pretty sure they heard those three words much more clearly than they would have if I'd given the lecture I couldn't get out.

2) We can all be a little nicer to each other. As we've been working on finishing up our shopping and preparations for the holidays, I feel like I haven't felt as exasperated by people as I might more typically feel this time of year. You know, the slow walkers in the mall, the retail workers who aren't getting me what I want as quickly as I want it. There I was in a store, getting close to a complete stranger to whisper in his ear to ask for help. He was very nice about it and I was kind of apologetic, but I felt like we'd really bonded by the time we were done. Funny aside, he helped us two days in a row and told me he saw noticeable improvement from one day to the next.

3) Some things are better left unsaid. It really does take some effort to get words out right now, so I have let many things go that I might not ordinarily let go. Snarky comments in response to a little slight? By the time I would get it out or write it down, the spontaneity of the moment would be gone, so I've let it go, even if I've enjoyed the thought of it in my head. So I've learned that it is much easier to take the high road when you are using fewer words.

4) Listen more. I know that when I have conversations with people, I'm often thinking about what I'm going to say next and don't always listen...really listen to and actually hear what the other person is saying. This week, I've been made to listen more and know that I am much better for it and intend to work on that as a skill even after I get my voice back.

5) Even without a voice, most of us really do have a voice. It used to be that pretty much the only people who could be on the radio or TV were those who had jobs in radio or TV.  And pretty much the only people whose words were printed in the newspaper were those who wrote for the paper. In other words, the journalists, the disc jockeys, the personalities.  But nowadays, anyone with access to a device of some sort can create a podcast, a video, a blog, a post on social media. With my Facebook account, I have not really felt terribly silenced this past week. I have been reading, reacting, writing, and entertaining (I hope). What a great gift for us all to have this ability to join in these great nationwide/worldwide conversations. At the same time, since we are all essentially now members of the media, don't we have a HUGE obligation to make sure we are consuming and using this voice we've all been given with an extreme amount of care, responsibility and purpose? The amount of ugliness that gets spewed on the Internet in the name of "my opinion" can't really be what anyone meant when they discussed a free exchange of ideas, can it? And spreading rumor or innuendo as fact is irresponsible too.  Point is, more people than ever before have a voice; I hope we can find a way to channel these voices well, from politicians all the way down to the little guys.

I'm a healthy adult and my vocal chords have taken a little break. I know this isn't a permanent thing. But still I've had moments of sadness or even panic, wondering, "What if I never hear my voice again, or worse, sing a song again?" but it's not real, because I know it will come back. But there are lots of people who really don't have a voice or ability to communicate and I've been thinking more about them lately and realize we all have an obligation to not forget about those who don't have a voice and make sure everyone can be heard.

Finally, I wrote this and made myself laugh, so I'm including it here, too...

With apologies to the original authors

I would while away the hours

And sing loud in the shower

If I only had a voice

I would not write on a white board

And count on my vocal chords

If I only had a voice

Seems to me, a mystery

Just where my voice could be

I could talk to others near or far

And then I’d wait and speak some more

I would stop using a whisper

And act cool like a hipster

If I only had a voice

I would not take it for granted

And enjoy the gift I’m handed

If I only had a voice