Here's the Thing (my take on Covid-19)

Here's the thing. Well, here're a couple of things.

1) "The media" did NOT blow this thing out of proportion. The media did what they do. They reported. They got facts and they informed. If it wasn't for them, we'd have no idea this virus was out there. The federal government wasn't going to do it. They did everything they could to downplay it and make it seem like it was nothing. But something that had 15-20 known cases in the US two weeks ago and over 1000 now, with minimal testing to tell us how many cases there actually are, isn't nothing. So, this is not an overreaction. The media was doing its job. Something we should be thankful for. If the media weren’t there to hold the president accountable, who would? We’ve seen that the Senate won’t.

2) If we don’t like something being reported, it doesn’t mean it’s not true. It means we don’t like it. Maybe it scares us, or maybe someone has told us we shouldn’t like it. But we all have a responsibility to research and check facts and not depend on personal biases when deciding what is and isn’t real. #factsnotfear

3) This all feels so weird because we’ve never experienced this sort of thing before. We didn’t live on the frontier where scary things like Yellow Fever came pushing through and took down families and communities. Could you imagine Ma and Pa blaming the reporters when a big outbreak came to the Prairie? No. They’d have rolled up their sleeves, kept tending their farms and put people in beds of ice and helped Doc Baker and done what they could for their community.

4) Honestly? If it means being holed up for a couple of weeks while this blows over in order to stem the spread of this virus and protect the more vulnerable among us, then yes. Isn't one of the things that makes us so great as Americans the ability for us to pull together in hard times to do the right thing? Even if it makes us uncomfortable? Is disruption to daily routine annoying and a pain? Sure. But wouldn’t losing loved ones because we didn’t do everything we could to slow this down be a lot worse?

Leaving a decade/starting a decade

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this past decade has been one of so much change. Ten years is a long time. And, it's not really a very long time. Ten years ago, I had an 11 year old and a 14 year old. The oldest had just started high school. Now, they are 21 and 24 and the youngest is about to finish college. I’ve moved from my almost mid-40’s to my...ahem...almost mid-50’s. 

Going from being the parents of children to the parents of teens to the parents of young adults has brought much growth and change and with that change has come reflection. A strong desire to “fix” what needs fixing and to find ways to feel strong and whole came with that.

As I did bounding box-jumps at a workout one day last week, my instructor said, “Bet you couldn’t do that a decade ago.” And she was right. Then, during yesterday’s class, she suggested we set our intention by thinking about the victories we’d had in that (workout) space. I know that working out is kind of “practice for the playing field of life,” so as I worked through that class, I started thinking about things I couldn’t (Or didn’t. Or wouldn’t) do a decade ago.

So, in no particular order, here are some of those things that I have done that I didn’t know I could do or never thought about doing before the 2010’s began:

Make a yearbook. Never thought about it, never wanted to and yet somehow I can’t imagine not doing it now.

Teach in a high school. Another thing I never thought I’d do, but here I am in my 10th year of doing it (actually started this in fall of 2009). And I might just almost sort of be getting the knack of it!

Produce videos. This may have been my college major, but here’s the truth: I wasn’t very good at it back then. Yes, technology has sure worked in my favor, plus I love the creative outlet I get with it.

Work out. Hard to talk about this without getting a little emotional. A decade ago, I occasionally tried some new form of exercise. I’d do it for a little while and then I’d be done. I had a bad back and would be laid up from it for a few days at least once a year. Six years ago, that changed. I don’t know what it was that changed. Community? New/stronger friendships? Accountability partner? But now, I can’t imagine my life without this as part of it. I’ve learned that my body is so much more capable of doing things that I ever gave it credit for. I’ve learned how to work through injury (not to ignore/exacerbate, but to work around it and not use it as an excuse) and how to come back after. I’ve learned not to quit.

Host/produce a podcast. How lucky am I to find a way to “play radio” and do some of the things I loved to do when I was much younger. 

Friendships. This one also makes me get a little emotional. They say you’re lucky in your life if you find a community of people you can count on as friends. And I’m not sure of another time in my life when I knew I had a strong group of friends that genuinely has my back in the way I do right now. 

Grad school classes in the summers. These classes have taught me so much about myself, aside from the content...dorm living is tolerable for about a week. But going to school is hard. It takes a lot out of a person and taking these classes each summer gives me a little reminder each year of what we ask of kids every day during the school year. A little empathy is never a bad thing. 

Maintain really long streaks with apps. Looking at you, My Fitness Pal and Apple Watch. I have logged in to MFP 2,275 days in a row and closed all three rings on my Apple Watch every day since mid-June. These little things are my personal challenges to keep up with and help me keep my fitness goals in mind.

Deal with past hurts. This one sure is hard and important and is a definite work in progress.

Enjoy travel adventures with my husband. Our two big trips in the last two years makes me realize we have a lot of country and world to see together.

Learn to be with my husband without kids. I thought being empty nesters would be harder than it was, but I really do enjoy spending time with my husband and that we have things we enjoy apart from each other is great, too! 

This past decade has been good for me in a lot of ways. Has it been easy? No. The world we live in is tough and going through rapid, scary changes. And there are times of crushing sadness. We have so much work to do to fix things. But I’m also proud of the changes I’ve made and am looking forward to what the next 10 bring as I keep my focus on getting stronger and better. 

I listened to the last episode of the “Dolly Parton’s America” podcast during my walk today (my last of the decade!) and in it, she said, “If you’re at peace within yourself you can do good for other people.” So that’s what I’m going to keep working on as we move into tomorrow with a new day, a new month, a new year and a new decade.

Festival of Lights

The older I get, the more I take away from the Jewish holidays. Hanukkah, which ends tonight/tomorrow, celebrates the miracle of the oil, enough for a day but lasting for eight; the religious freedom for which the Maccabees fought, and won, is a victory that's always worth fighting for. 

Religiously, it's not really a major holiday as far as Judaism is concerned. For sure it takes on more prominence because of the time of year in which it falls. And still, a lit menorah is a moment of calmness. And it's beautiful. And for me, with my family, where holidays are more about tradition and togetherness than religious mandates, the lights that grace my house this time of year bring me an incredible amount of joy and happiness.

 I can listen to the Barenaked Ladies' song, "Hanukkah Blessings" over and over again and never tire of it:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAggcnAnY_Y

How Lucky are we that we have lights so that we can see

Although the day is done

What a miracle that a spark lifts these candles out of the dark

Every evening, one by one

Until the end of Hanukkah, of Hanukkah

With the jingle bells and the toys

And the TV shows and noise

It's easy to forget

At the end of the day

Our whole family will say

These words for Hanukkah

Baruch atah Adonai, eloheinu

Melech ha'olam

Asher kid'shanu, b'mitz'votav v'tzivanu l'hadlik ner shel Hanukkah

Light the candles for Hanukkah, for Hanukkah

We remember how Maccabees

Fought so all of us could be free

And so we celebrate on this festival of the lights

There's a joyful time every night

But we illuminate the candles of Hanukkah, of Hanukkah

Baruch atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam

She'asa niseem la'avoteinu bayamim haheim baz'man hazeh

Hanukkah

Hanukkah

Yet today I've been hit again and again by this burning sadness as I think of the Hasidic Jews celebrating Hanukkah at their rabbi's house in New York and were stabbed by someone who walked in brandishing a giant knife. And that wasn't the only anti-Semetic act during this holiday week.  Reports of at least six other attacks in NYC have been all over the news, enough for almost every day of this eight day holiday. The irony that people are being hurt for being Jewish during a holiday that celebrates the victory of a battle for religious freedom isn't lost on me. 

And as we lit the candles on our menorahs for this eighth night, I offer up extra thoughts for those hurt, both physically and emotionally by senseless violence. And as the lights go out on another holiday season, my strongest wish is that we find a way to fix the brokenness and hatefulness and move more calmly and peacefully into 2020.

Listen to those messages...

This getting older thing. It’s not for sissies. And sometimes it’s tiring. 

Maybe you’re reflecting on your past and ruminating on the bad stuff that’s happened to you. Trauma is tricky. And it’s real.  And it has a way of eating away at you even when you think you’ve handled it all just fine. And maybe you’re letting it have more power over you than you ought to and maybe you’re not really using the tools you’ve amassed to help you manage in this moment because maybe you just need or want to be sad right now. 

Maybe the ever changing but hardly improving news cycle with stories of “that awful thing that person in Washington said or Tweeted today,” or another mass shooting with lots of outrage and little change, or another story of a person in power doing something awful to many children and how it was brushed aside for years has finally brought you to your knees to the point where you just feel small or helpless and wonder how can we even begin to fix this?

Maybe the aches and pains of aging are fighting against your desire for a healthy body and fitness routine by shouting constant reminders at you that you’re not really as young as you wish you were and maybe you should have started doing this a long time ago. 

Or maybe it’s that your kids are moving on and you sometimes miss the parts of parenting that seemed so hard back in those days and you sometimes wish someone was sitting in their booster in your back seat asking nonsensical questions when all you wanted was a moment of silence.  “I’d be happy to hear that voice,” you think, “And answer whatever questions he wants to ask and I’d be so patient, too!”

But with all of that, you also know you have a pretty sweet life and it sure seems like there are times when the universe conspires to help (make) you hear messages you probably need to hear in this moment. “Listen. I’m trying to tell you something,” it says.

But you’re not really listening. Or not ready to hear. Or something. 

And then, one day you hear the words your fitness instructor is saying differently than you may have heard them on a different day as she speaks of privilege. That the movement our bodies give us is a privilege that not everyone has. We won’t always have it. What are we doing to nurture ourselves and keep our strength and ability to move for as long as possible? And when you hear that, you say, “Oh.“ Because you realize she might be speaking to you and this is probably something you’ve taken for granted.

And then you go to a talk by self-proclaimed “happiness” gurus and you have a night of awesome belly laughs with a good friend.

Or spend a weekend in the mountains, enjoying the cooler air, fall leaves, a lovely hike and a cozy fire.

Or you come up with a great idea at work that you can actually pull off and the excitement from thinking about it has you energized in a way you haven’t felt in awhile.

Or you see a beautiful rainbow, not once, but twice, on the way home.

Or the reminders from friends or spouses that they are there for you. That you’re enough. That you’re not weak. 

The highs and lows that come, sometimes all in one day, sometimes over the course of a week or a month, all come for a reason. And we’re sent these messages that we should probably pay better attention to (in the name of “self-care”)…they aren’t just platitudes or affirmations. They should be reminders: I am strong enough. I am worth it. I am good enough. And so are  you. Now, I just need to listen.

18 Things I Learned (or Relearned) in 2018

18 Things I Learned (or Relearned) in 2018

1. There really is never not a good time for red shoes.  
2. Everyone has a story…some good, some bad. Taking time to learn others’ stories is more important now than ever before.
3. Standing up for what’s right is not always easy, but always the right way to go.
4. Taking breaks from the news, or at least limiting it in some ways, while finding healthy ways to handle it, is not a bad way to go.
5. Parenting young adults is different and challenging in its own right, and means you have to find new ways to continue old and start new traditions. But it’s also really cool to watch them launch into their own lives and see them figure things out for themselves.
6. The easy solution is not always (usually) the best solution.
   
7. Trying new things is a good idea at any age.
8. I am so lucky to have a strong community to work out in. 
9. And also a good accountability partner. I can’t imagine that I’d have stuck with it without her. 
10. Sometimes, no matter how much you want to achieve a goal, factors outside your control might conspire to stop you (or at least slow you down). 
11. When you think you just can’t do one more of something, you probably can.
12. I am incredibly good at being lazy, but being active and getting regular exercise makes me a much better person.
13. There’s nothing quite like spending an entire day curled up on a chair with your dog and a good book.
14. Just wanting something to happen isn’t really enough. Wanting it enough to make it happen gives it more of a chance of actually happening. 
15. I’m stronger than I think I am, but not really as strong as I’d like to be. 
16. Facing your past can be hard. Really hard. And often harder than you want it to be. But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done.
17. Shoulders are really important and do so much more for us than we realize or give them credit for. They deserve some serious props for the many things they do for us.
18. Taking time to reflect and be thankful for the things we have, particularly family, friends, pets, jobs, safe home, food to eat, good health, etc, etc, is important any time…not just at the beginning of a new year.

A Study In Contrasts (re: "Won't You Be My Neighbor")

This morning, I watched the “Today Show” as they profiled a campaign rally in Montana. The featured speaker, the 45th president of the United States, makes fun of of a US Senator’s heritage, makes winking jokes regarding the “#metoo movement,” picks on an elderly former US President and an ailing US Senator, both of whom served our country in times of war (while he received multiple “medical exemptions” from the Draft to avoid serving), tells lie after lie about things that just aren’t even remotely true. And the audience behind him? They are whooping it up, smiling, nodding, encouraging, cheering him on.

I felt like I was watching a scene out of a teen movie where the kids all laugh as the bully picks on the movie’s underdog (Remember Biff in “Back to the Future”? Or Johnny in the “Karate Kid”? And the way their friends stand in the background, laughing and taunting along with them?)

Feeling a little sick and a lot saddened, I wondered how we got here.

To this place we are in. Right now. I wondered what drives people to be so hate-driven that they have let their own values go by the wayside as they cheer on a man who has…
...bragged on tape about grabbing women in places he had no business touching;
...equated white supremacists with “very fine people”;
...mocked a reporter with a physical disability;
...allowed children to be torn from the arms of their parents who were seeking asylum in our country; 
...praised dictators and alienated allies;
...had multiple extra-marital affairs, yet jeered opponents for doing the same;
...encouraged the “birther” movement against a sitting US President;
...made bigoted statements regarding citizens of numerous specific countries and religions; ...endorsed politicians who have been known for their bigotry, sexism and pedophile tendencies;
...and much more...

A few hours later, I went to see the “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” documentary, a profile of Fred Rogers. Mr. Rogers, to be sure, was an icon of my childhood. I have strong memories of watching “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” (probably long after it was socially acceptable for someone my age to do so). I loved his characters, the lessons he taught and his gentleness.

And as I watched this beautifully made film, heard the words directly from his mouth, his family and those who worked with him, I was struck again and again by how much I really miss Mr. Rogers. What he spoke and advocated for are exactly what we are missing in this time. This show, from its very roots in 1968 (a tumultuous time for our country), is incredibly relevant today. Right now. In the first week of his show, he taught that we don’t need walls to keep people out. He spoke of kindness for others. Acceptance. Yes, he made mistakes that I am certain he wouldn’t make today in regards to acceptance for all, but that doesn’t take away from what he did during his time.

He spoke of the human need for love. For meaningful relationships and for people to feel needed, worthwhile, heard. Oddly, he was ridiculed for this stance, as the root cause of “the entitlement of kids today.” (this is a topic for another post at another time...but I will write it one day, I’m sure!).

Not surprising to most people who know me, I cried as “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” ended. Cried for the man that has gone, and the values he espoused. Wondering what he would say if he were alive today. Would his words resonate? Would we listen to him? Would those who cheered at that rally be moved by him? I left thinking, “We need a new Mr. Rogers...who can be that be?” Who can come in as a strong, passionate personality that can change the discourse as we know it?

I posted the following on Facebook immediately after leaving the movie: “After seeing “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” this afternoon, I realize how desperately we need someone to step in and fill the void left behind by Mr Rogers.” I know many who could fit the bill. I work with them...passionate teachers, strong leaders, great parents, clergy people who speak truth and know how to reach large audiences...people who care deeply for and about others. How lucky I am to know such people. I’m sure you know some, too.

But then, while I think that, yes, a new Mr. Rogers would be a great gift to us all, I think that maybe what we really need, is to dig deep and find the Mr. Rogers in ourselves. If we’d all channel our own Mr. Rogers, we’d be so much better off. Maybe we could start a movement! Mr. Rogers once said, “We live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. It's easy to say ‘It's not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.’ Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.”

If we all stand up for kindness, love, compassion...can we make a change? What would it take? How do we reach those who cheer for and stand by someone who uses his persona as a platform for hatred and anger. How do we get them to see that they don’t get their value or worth from that and that people like that use them as an ends to their own selfish means?

In 1999, as Mr. Rogers was honored at the Television Hall of Fame, he spoke of the value of life and the responsibility of television going forward into this millennium to show the good in the world. He said, “But how do we make goodness attractive? By doing whatever we can do to bring courage to those whose lives move near our own – by treating our ‘neighbor’ at least as well as we treat ourselves and allowing that to inform everything that we produce.” What I really wish as our tv screens and social media walls fill with more shared images of hard, scary things in the world, is that we will rise strong, find our inner Mr. Rogers voice, look for the helpers and say, “Stop. Enough. We’re going to make goodness attractive starting right now.”

#ArmMeWith...and More Thoughts About the Past Week

Here we are, just over a week since the news broke with the school shooting in South Florida. 17 dead. 14 wounded. They could have been you or me or yours and mine. Since then, the news cycle has followed the predictable path that tends to follow these awful events: shock and horror, thoughts and prayers, blame on everything with the exception of the actual instrument that is capable of shooting over 100 rounds in a single minute and is designed to do nothing but kill.

I have wanted to write about this for the past week, but didn’t know what there was left to say that hadn’t been said by others already. So many eloquent voices (from people I know personally, to ones I’ve just stumbled upon) speaking calmly and reasonably about viable things that can and should happen to help prevent more carnage like that school experienced last week.

I thought at first that I wanted to focus my writing on this question: How is it possible that this is an issue that has more than one side? How is this a partisan issue? Because it shouldn’t be. Right? There should only be one side. The side that values human life.

But then today I realized exactly what I want, and need, to write about.

I heard the head of the NRA’s vitriolic speech, where he stated firmly that the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. But what he forgot to add was, except for when the good guy can’t get to his gun, or misfires his gun and hits an innocent person, or his gun is stolen. No, the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a gun is for the bad guy not to have access to the gun in the first place. That’s just one of a slew of talking points that have been debunked solidly in many articles, including this one. Additionally, it was revealed that the armed deputy on campus at Marjory Douglas Stone High school failed to respond to the shooting happening inside. So the good guy with a gun failed to stop the bad guy with the gun in this instance.

Then, the presidential suggestion via Twitter that paying bonuses to teachers to carry guns at school might be the answer. I think, after this week, I can imagine better what it must be like to live in a dystopian novel, because the sort of talk that is coming from Washington just doesn’t have a place in the America I know. A place where the words of our Founding Fathers are misconstrued by some to justify their need to have all sorts of guns, whether that “right” infringes on others’ rights or not.

Put simply, adding guns to school campuses is just a horrible idea. Where would the funds come from to pay for such “bonuses?’ Government doesn’t fund basic supplies in a school, the state makes laws mandating class size, but doesn't offer funds to cover new teachers...yet, funds will magically appear to pay for all this stuff? If there’s surplus money floating around, then why not pay teachers a fair salary? The #armmewith hashtag has done a great job of stating what teachers really need in their classrooms and schools to help students. More resources to meet the needs of students with mental illness, more opportunities to allow teachers to develop deep, meaningful relationships with all children in their buildings, so the “lonewolf” doesn’t fly under the radar, unseen. Needed supplies so that teachers don’t have to stock their classrooms out of their own pockets or beg parents for them. Fund reasonable class sizes. Get up to date technology in classrooms. And so much more.

What arming teachers does do, though, is put money into the pockets of gun manufacturers, retailers and shooting ranges, which would be clamoring for lucrative school board contracts. But at what cost? I can assure you, the day they mandate arming teachers, or allow conceal carry on a school campus is the last day I work in a school and I know for a fact that I am not the only teacher who feels that way.

Arming teachers and many of these other "solutions" being tossed around are non-answers, designed to lull people into a false sense of security. "If you lock schools up really tight, then a gunman can't get in." But what about recess? Are we expected to keep children inside their fortress-like school in case a shooter decides to aim at the playground instead? Or for that matter, a person with a gun who wants to get into a locked building can use their gun to shoot their way in and go through the building just as quickly as they could have if they’d walked in. Band aid solutions and fear mongering may give people a sense of security or even hope, but they are mostly a false hope, as they don’t address the core issues.

I’ve read that there has been anywhere from 5 to 18 mass shootings on school campuses since the beginning of 2018. The number doesn’t really matter, does it? ANY mass shooting on a school ground...at a concert...in a church...in a synagogue...in a mosque...at a mall...in a movie theater...is ONE TOO MANY. Are we so broken that we really can’t come together in a moment of anguish and tragedy and have the courage to do the right thing?

And yet, through all of this, I feel a slight glimmer of hope. I’ve watched the surviving students from Parkland and listened to how articulately they discussed this incident and their strong desire to make history as the “last mass shooting.” How brave. How empowered. How courageous. How mature. These kids, as they organize marches and bond together as a future voting block, could be the answer. Shame on those who’ve chosen to disparage them for their passion. Shame on those who say they’re just kids and don’t have a voice. Shame on those who say things like, “the generation that eats Tide Pods wants to write policy.” How narrow minded to think that the mistakes of a tiny minority of kids represents these kids at this moment in time. I work with teens from 8th-12th grade every day and I promise you they are smart, articulate, passionate, caring. And they are the ones we are leaving this world to, they are the ones who can and will change things for the better. One thing I know about kids this age is if you give them an issue they feel passionate about, they will fight for it tooth and nail.

I really wish I knew what the answer was. I am much better at knowing what the answer isn’t. It’s a big, messy problem. And my deepest wish is that the “leaders” in charge will do the right thing, stop taking bribes from lobbyists and work to make changes in policy that would help us all move forward and work to prevent events and tragedies like what happened last week in Florida from happening ever again.