Dear 2020...don't let the door hit you...

Dear 2020, 

Well. What a difference a year makes, eh?

• A year ago, I was all about “the end of a decade and the beginning of a decade” jokes.

• A year ago, I was worried about the state of the world, but felt distant and safe from where I sat.

• A year ago, I felt at peace with myself in a way I hadn’t before and felt so fortunate to feel that way.

• A year ago, I was working out with others in a space that I loved and doing things with my body that I could hardly imagine doing.

• A year ago, I felt safe and happy around my bustling school and loved that feeling of belonging that came with being part of a community.

• A year ago, there were gross inequities in education across our country, lack of technology that was a given for others, but only a few really talked about it.

• A year ago, people could pretend that civil rights battles were a thing of the past, even though deep down they probably knew better.

• A year ago, a global pandemic was the stuff of horror movies.

• A year ago, it would have been laughable to think that the idea of protecting fellow citizens in the name of public health was something that could be politicized in such a way that people would deny there was anything wrong, or worse, use a laughing emoji as a reaction to a post about a fellow countryman’s death.

How was I to know what you had in store for us all?  In my world, as excited as I was to welcome you, by the end of the very first day, I was ready to send you back. Fear and trauma in my own family gave way to grief and sadness for friends, big losses in my community, and finally so much loss, anger and anxiety in the world. I’m honestly not sure rehashing the year is the direction I want to take, since just about every other person who has something to say today is already doing that. Instead, more and more lately, I can’t help but think there’s a reason we all (collectively) have experienced this hard year together. 

Brene Brown refers to the big events that people experience together as “collective effervescence,” an “experience of connection, communal emotion, and a ‘sensation of sacredness’ that happens when we are a part of something bigger than us.” She writes that she got the term from a Dutch social scientist and ever since I read it a few years ago, it’s stayed with me and I come back to it. A lot. Usually thinking of big, happy events. A great rock concert attended as a teen and finding out that a current friend was there that night, too. The day it snowed in Miami. The day your team won the big championship (looking at you, '72 Dolphins). But sad ones, too. 9/11. The Challenger explosion. The day John Lennon died. And now, 2020. 

There has to be a reason, or a lesson, or even a moral to this crazy story. So many times this year, I’ve thought, “No. Seriously…this isn’t really happening. Right?” And then, of course, “Oh. Yes. It is.” Maybe it was the message to slow down. Maybe it was that we need to take a time-out and figure out what our priorities are, as individuals, as communities, as a country, as a world. Maybe we’re supposed to fix the things that are wrong. Maybe we’ll never really know because we’re too busy fighting. With each other. With the messenger. With the message.

2020, when I look back at you, I know that part of your lasting mark will be the memory of loss, tears shed and anxiety. The year we said goodbye to our beloved dog, the year of "virtual" graduations and everything else. The year of curbside pickup and words we'd all probably prefer never to hear again (looking at you, Unprecedented, pod, pivot and hoax). 

But I don't think that tells the whole story. I think your legacy will also be the beauty noticed in everyday things. A gorgeous sunrise on an early morning walk, or an equally as gorgeous sunset on a different day’s later walk. Cooking dinner at home, night, after night, after night. People met in my neighborhood during daily walks; different “regulars” depending on time of day, most ready with a wave and "Hello." And when you stop seeing someone, having a little tug of concern, even if you don’t know them well enough to check on them. A global explosion of creative expression and compassion in a world that so often feels less than kind.

I’ll look back on you as the year you almost took my love from me, but then didn't, and we found new ways to live and be grateful for what we have; the year you brought my immediate family together, under one roof, for a time. At a time when, while getting used to and sort of digging the empty nest, having us all together felt safe and right and like a gift that was most unexpected. Realizing, as an extrovert, that I might actually just prefer being at home with my people and that might not be a terrible thing. And really, maybe the biggest take away for me is how much the things I need the most, the things that sustain me the most, have been right in front of me all along. And I didn’t have to get stuck in a twister and go on a journey to a strange land with a scarecrow, tin man and lion to figure it out.

I don’t know what your successor has on tap for us. I certainly don’t harbor any illusion that 2021 will magically put us in a happy place where we’re all singing “Kumbaya” together. I’ve spent enough time deep in thought over  the past 10 months, trying to imagine how others in past eras responded to their own hard times. They pushed through, they found the strength and courage to do the tough things. And that’s what I hope we can do, too. 

Happy New Year, 2020...don't let the door hit you on the way out!

Love,

Jen

Leaving a decade/starting a decade

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this past decade has been one of so much change. Ten years is a long time. And, it's not really a very long time. Ten years ago, I had an 11 year old and a 14 year old. The oldest had just started high school. Now, they are 21 and 24 and the youngest is about to finish college. I’ve moved from my almost mid-40’s to my...ahem...almost mid-50’s. 

Going from being the parents of children to the parents of teens to the parents of young adults has brought much growth and change and with that change has come reflection. A strong desire to “fix” what needs fixing and to find ways to feel strong and whole came with that.

As I did bounding box-jumps at a workout one day last week, my instructor said, “Bet you couldn’t do that a decade ago.” And she was right. Then, during yesterday’s class, she suggested we set our intention by thinking about the victories we’d had in that (workout) space. I know that working out is kind of “practice for the playing field of life,” so as I worked through that class, I started thinking about things I couldn’t (Or didn’t. Or wouldn’t) do a decade ago.

So, in no particular order, here are some of those things that I have done that I didn’t know I could do or never thought about doing before the 2010’s began:

Make a yearbook. Never thought about it, never wanted to and yet somehow I can’t imagine not doing it now.

Teach in a high school. Another thing I never thought I’d do, but here I am in my 10th year of doing it (actually started this in fall of 2009). And I might just almost sort of be getting the knack of it!

Produce videos. This may have been my college major, but here’s the truth: I wasn’t very good at it back then. Yes, technology has sure worked in my favor, plus I love the creative outlet I get with it.

Work out. Hard to talk about this without getting a little emotional. A decade ago, I occasionally tried some new form of exercise. I’d do it for a little while and then I’d be done. I had a bad back and would be laid up from it for a few days at least once a year. Six years ago, that changed. I don’t know what it was that changed. Community? New/stronger friendships? Accountability partner? But now, I can’t imagine my life without this as part of it. I’ve learned that my body is so much more capable of doing things that I ever gave it credit for. I’ve learned how to work through injury (not to ignore/exacerbate, but to work around it and not use it as an excuse) and how to come back after. I’ve learned not to quit.

Host/produce a podcast. How lucky am I to find a way to “play radio” and do some of the things I loved to do when I was much younger. 

Friendships. This one also makes me get a little emotional. They say you’re lucky in your life if you find a community of people you can count on as friends. And I’m not sure of another time in my life when I knew I had a strong group of friends that genuinely has my back in the way I do right now. 

Grad school classes in the summers. These classes have taught me so much about myself, aside from the content...dorm living is tolerable for about a week. But going to school is hard. It takes a lot out of a person and taking these classes each summer gives me a little reminder each year of what we ask of kids every day during the school year. A little empathy is never a bad thing. 

Maintain really long streaks with apps. Looking at you, My Fitness Pal and Apple Watch. I have logged in to MFP 2,275 days in a row and closed all three rings on my Apple Watch every day since mid-June. These little things are my personal challenges to keep up with and help me keep my fitness goals in mind.

Deal with past hurts. This one sure is hard and important and is a definite work in progress.

Enjoy travel adventures with my husband. Our two big trips in the last two years makes me realize we have a lot of country and world to see together.

Learn to be with my husband without kids. I thought being empty nesters would be harder than it was, but I really do enjoy spending time with my husband and that we have things we enjoy apart from each other is great, too! 

This past decade has been good for me in a lot of ways. Has it been easy? No. The world we live in is tough and going through rapid, scary changes. And there are times of crushing sadness. We have so much work to do to fix things. But I’m also proud of the changes I’ve made and am looking forward to what the next 10 bring as I keep my focus on getting stronger and better. 

I listened to the last episode of the “Dolly Parton’s America” podcast during my walk today (my last of the decade!) and in it, she said, “If you’re at peace within yourself you can do good for other people.” So that’s what I’m going to keep working on as we move into tomorrow with a new day, a new month, a new year and a new decade.

18 Things I Learned (or Relearned) in 2018

18 Things I Learned (or Relearned) in 2018

1. There really is never not a good time for red shoes.  
2. Everyone has a story…some good, some bad. Taking time to learn others’ stories is more important now than ever before.
3. Standing up for what’s right is not always easy, but always the right way to go.
4. Taking breaks from the news, or at least limiting it in some ways, while finding healthy ways to handle it, is not a bad way to go.
5. Parenting young adults is different and challenging in its own right, and means you have to find new ways to continue old and start new traditions. But it’s also really cool to watch them launch into their own lives and see them figure things out for themselves.
6. The easy solution is not always (usually) the best solution.
   
7. Trying new things is a good idea at any age.
8. I am so lucky to have a strong community to work out in. 
9. And also a good accountability partner. I can’t imagine that I’d have stuck with it without her. 
10. Sometimes, no matter how much you want to achieve a goal, factors outside your control might conspire to stop you (or at least slow you down). 
11. When you think you just can’t do one more of something, you probably can.
12. I am incredibly good at being lazy, but being active and getting regular exercise makes me a much better person.
13. There’s nothing quite like spending an entire day curled up on a chair with your dog and a good book.
14. Just wanting something to happen isn’t really enough. Wanting it enough to make it happen gives it more of a chance of actually happening. 
15. I’m stronger than I think I am, but not really as strong as I’d like to be. 
16. Facing your past can be hard. Really hard. And often harder than you want it to be. But that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done.
17. Shoulders are really important and do so much more for us than we realize or give them credit for. They deserve some serious props for the many things they do for us.
18. Taking time to reflect and be thankful for the things we have, particularly family, friends, pets, jobs, safe home, food to eat, good health, etc, etc, is important any time…not just at the beginning of a new year.