Sunday, December 6, 2015

Reflections on Turning 50

A random collection of thoughts as I enter the last week of my 40’s…

The Byrds’ “Turn, Turn, Turn” was the number one song the week I was born.
To everything - turn, turn, turn
There is a season - turn, turn, turn
And a time to every purpose under heaven

A time of love, a time of hate
A time of war, a time of peace
A time you may embrace
A time to refrain from embracing

This song holds the distinction of having the oldest lyrics in a #1 pop song, since it comes from Ecclesiastes. "Many biblical scholars believe Ecclesiastes 1:1 implies King Solomon as the book's author; thus, if true, giving Solomon (born c. 1011 BC) lyrical credit for a number one hit.” (thank you, Wikipedia).

I like birthdays.  And numbers.  Not math numbers, but numbers that make interesting patterns or dates.  I have for as long as I can remember. I was in the pool at camp in Key Largo on July 7, 1977 and pointed out to the older kids nearby that it was 7-7-77. They were not nearly as impressed as I. Last year, when my birthday fell on 12-13-14, I turned it into an event.  The last time this century that could happen!  12-13-15 just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? But it is 50, so it has pretty much been on my mind in some way for much of the past year.  And now, here I am, staring it down.  I can legitimately say, "I'm practically 50, you know!"

1965 was a good year to be born.  Not quite a “baby boomer;” not really a “baby busting Generation Xer,” either. Too young for Woodstock, too old to wear Doc Martins credibly. A Charlie Brown Christmas was born in 1965, as was the Pillsbury Dough Boy.  The Voting Rights Act of 1965 was passed and the Sound of Music movie came out.  The Beatles were in their heyday and, of course,  Vietnam.  Smack dab in the middle of a decade of change.  But aren’t all decades “decades of change,” really? We are a nation and world in turmoil right now, but if you look back through history, almost every era faces turmoil. We just don’t really learn from history, I guess. What does this have to do with turning 50, anyway? Not much...it's a random collection of thoughts, that's all.

My childhood is marked by memories of music and tv shows that some may mock, but that bring me great joy to hear or see: One Tin Soldier, Seasons in the Sun, Beach Baby, Cats in the Cradle (oh, who am I kidding...Billy Don’t Be a Hero and The Night Chicago Died, too).  Happy Days, In the News, Schoolhouse Rock, Land of the Lost (Sigmund & the Sea Monsters!), Scooby Doo, the Bay City Rollers.  Later, the Facts of Life, Different Strokes, the Love Boat and Fantasy Island...but then Grease. And the John Hughes movies. They may not be on the best of anything of the 70’s or 80’s lists, but they shaped a whole group of  girls in some way that makes us kindred spirits.

When I consider turning 50, I instantly think, ‘How can this be? 50 is old.’ And I’m not old. And I do know it really is just a number.  As I have entered each new decade of my adult life, I’ve looked back and thought, “This past decade was the one where I really grew up.”  In my 20’s, I graduated from college, had my radio career and got married, all pretty grown up stuff.  I became a mom in my 30’s, joined playgroups, ladies groups and volunteered at school. Also adult stuff. And so, my 40’s have been no different. I went from being the mom of young boys to being the mom of young men, from time on playgrounds, carpooling to various activities and elementary school performances to high school sports, college applications and being happy to just have both boys sitting around in the living room with us, talking and laughing together.  So, is that it?  Am I finally grown up?

This past 10 years or so have been some of the best of my life so far. I have so much to be grateful for. I'm married to my best friend and have been for half of my life (literally). My sons have grown into kind young men that I am proud to know and am excited to see moving into their next phases. I have my sisters and mom not too far away and available when I need them.  I fell into the job that has led me to stretch and to take risks I didn’t know I wanted to take, to be with people that make me want to be better and do better and that I think value me more than I have ever felt valued in my life.  I have discovered that my body was meant to move in ways that I didn’t know it could and at the same time met a new group of women that I am happy to call friends and have welcomed me into their “tribe.”  Who could want more than that?

50 may be old, but I’m not.  50 may be the new 30, and I’d take that, too!  I think 50 is a halfway point and if I’ve had 50, then I have around 50 more.  That’s a lot of years and a lot of time, right? I’m not sure what my 50’s will bring, aside from an AARP card and an empty nest.  I’ve read that I will stop caring what others think, wear what I want and live life fully. I’d like to think that I will do something grand...something to make my mark. But maybe, being in the place I am...right here, right now...I already am. And if that’s it, then I’ll take that, too.

Bring it, 50. 
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Sunday, January 4, 2015

Memories

I love the "TED Talk Radio Hour" podcast because it gives you a taste of actual TED talks along with interviews with the speakers and all revolve around a theme.  I have heard great ones about courage and learning and surviving in the past couple of months. But last week's stuck with me...about memory and how memories work with our brains Memory Games.  One speaker spoke about how our experiences become our memories and I very much believe this to be true.

I sometimes think my memory is faulty.  I wonder why I don't remember more about my past, or why the memories I tend to have come out more negatively than I'd like them to.  I wish I could see or even hear myself as a kid, having a conversation with my family, in the voices that we had, not the voices that we have now. But I really want my kids' memories to be better, happier, clearer.  I feel like with things like digital media, or even video, attempts at scrapbooks and millions of photos of them and their childhoods, they will have many of their actual memories there at the push of a button.  Certainly with social media taking off toward the beginning of their teen years, many of their memories are not only on their walls for their own consumption, but for that of any of their friends, followers, or whoever. But is that the same as what's in our brains?

A couple of years ago, I saw an idea on Pinterest that we decided to adapt. It was to make a memory jar of our year. It's hard to start a new tradition with a family of teen boys, but that's just what we did.  We just finished our second year doing this, and while my husband and I are the primary fillers of the jar (well, the only fillers of the jar so far), the time spent together reading the slips of paper tonight was time well spent.  We noticed definite themes:  My oldest graduated from high school and started college....his brother has worked hard at his music, his schoolwork and his swimming.  Lots of things to be proud of and happy about.

When we finished reading and the boys had been excused from the table, my husband asked me what surprised me when we'd read through the jar.   And I think for me, it came back to how our experiences become our memory.  So I need to backtrack for a second.  My husband had a big milestone birthday last year, and for at least the last few months, I've been thinking that I didn't do enough for him on his birthday.  He'd never said anything of the sort and would say I'd done plenty...this was all me and my brain.  What I remembered was how I'd made him a special throwback photo and worked very hard at it even though it kind of flopped, and I think that's where my memory ended.  But when we were reading the slips tonight, there was the one about his birthday and how I'd had stone crabs delivered from a restaurant in Florida.  I had completely forgotten about that.  Our experiences influence our memories...indeed they do. 

So I am going to list the biggies from the jar before I toss the slips (and the actual written memories) away:
  • Bittersweet memories of seeing my son play basketball for his school for the last time...seeing him walk through the hallway at school for his last time as a student!
  • Graduation!
  • Started College!
  • Took time off IM!
  • Took time off breast...won race at Pheiffer College meet!
  • Both boys worked hard at school this year!
  • Birthdays!
  • Special birthdays and special trips:  Atlanta to meet our great nephew, Cooper (and eat at my beloved Sweet Tomatoes); surprise trip to Savannah last week and visiting as a tourist
  • Visits to college, visits home 
  • Worth mentioning, but didn't make it into the jar:  Cleveland trip last summer: Indians game, Cedar Point, Skyline Chili, Football Hall of Fame.
We are very fortunate to be able to say that 2014 was a good year for our family, we have our health and happiness and know not to take it for granted.  Now, if I can just remember it the way it happened, that would be something.